I was inspired by my friend Brianne to write Elliot's birth story. I didn't really have enough energy to ever write it after he was born because i was dealing with a lot of 'stuff;. I will go into farther detail after the story :)
My due date was November 19th, and when that day passed, another week passed. On November 26th i asked my Dr. if they could help speed things along. Both of my sisters had gotten a gel treatment with their babies, and it worked for them, so i decided to give it a try.
The gel treatment is not induction, it softens your cervix and will put you in to labor if your body is ready. They always schedule women to come into the hospital late at night to do this treatment. so...
Going to the hospital!
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9 p.m. hospital monitored me for an hour
10 p.m. inserted first round of gels, and made me lie on my side for a half hour while hooked up to a monitor.
10:30 p.m.walked around the hospital for a half hour, went back and waited for an hour for them to do the second set.
11:30 p.m. inserted second round of gels, and i laid on side for half hour
12 a.m. walked around hospital for a half hour, came back and waited for them to insert third round for who knows how long.... i wanted to cry at this point because was so uncomfortable and tired and ready to have this baby out!!!!
1 a.m. inserted third round and i laid on side for a half hour
1:30 a.m. walked around hospital, and came back to see if i was ready to be admitted into hospital!
So they checked me around two o'clock and they said I was only at a two and my cervix was only 75 percent effaced. They told me to go home even though I was in agony because I was getting VERY painful contractions. I asked them how I was not in labor when my contractions were so close and so painful. They told me that the gel can give you painful contractions that are fake if you are not ready.
I was in tears as we were driving home. Derek stopped at a gas station and bought me Tylenol p.m. so that i could sleep through the contractions. The Tylenol was amazing, i slept on our couch because i was uncomfortable in our bed. I woke up crying in the night, so Derek got a blanket and a pillow and slept on the floor next to me.
The contractions just got worse, and by 1 p.m. the next day i realized that this MIGHT be the real thing. I didn't want to go in again and be sent home, but i knew it was worth the risk. So they hooked me up and checked me out. Im was 4 cent. and 100 percent effaced! The gel worked, but at a price. My contractions were way worse then they normally would have been.
4 p.m. I got admitted and got my epidural when i was 7 centimeters
5 p.m. they gave me a birthing ball and them i heared a WHOOSH! My water broke and there was meconium in the water. Gross..
7 p.m. I was super comfortable, the epidural was amazing! Doctor came in and told me to push.
Every time i pushed the heart rate of the baby got lower. The dr. was very tense and after about an hour and a half of pushing he told me we might have to do a C-section. But i didn't even comprehend what he said, and I'm glad i didn't!
9:30 p.m. I had Elliot and didn't have to have a C-section! I started crying from so many hormones!
He was perfectly healthy, crying, and got an apgar score of 9!
I wanted to hold him so badly but there were about 10 people in the room making sure the meconium didn't get into his lungs. So after about a half hour, they gave him to Derek who was right next to the nurses the whole time. Then Derek gave him to me and right away he didn't want to be cuddled. He supported his neck and looked right at me (ok, not right at me, but close enough)
I just started to cry.
The next three days were great, except that my nipple was bleeding because a nurse put on a nipple guard wrong. The look on her face when it happened was priceless, i didn't see her again!!
First day home from the hospital
I went through four weeks of breast feeding hell, saw different lactation consultants, Elliot vomited blood, went to the emergency room. I pumped every time i fed him, and felt overwhelming depression and anxiety. The anxiety kept me awake, i didn't sleep for a whole week straight. And i mean that literally, NO SLEEP!
Then i realized that i probably had a breast infection, so i went to the doc and they sent me home with antibiotics. It got worse after three days, i called the doc and they told me it was normal. I looked at my chest and thought, 'This is not normal!'
On Christmas eve five days after i had been taking the antibiotics, my breast was bright red, incredibly large (for once in my life), and i couldn't pump anything from it. It felt like it was going to explode. We went to the urgent care (because it wasChristmas eve, and we DIDN'T want to go to the Er!). They told us they will just give me stronger anti-biotics. I FLIPped out. I had never been so mean to doctors before!
I said, 'There is obviously an abscess, no ones breast should look this big or red!!!!' So they called someone who knew more then them and told me to go to the ER. Idiots
11:30 p.m. I went into emergency surgery, the surgeon told me i had a staph infection that turned toxic and that it was a very good thing i came into the ER when i did. He told me that there were multiple pockets of puss in my right breast. I had to get them removed and then be on a wound vac to suck out the puss and speed of the healing process of the wound. (on an even grosser note, and just in case you wanted to know, the abscess was as large as a a grapefruit.)
I spent the next three days in the hospital hooked up to a wound vac. I got to go home and see my baby again, and had home health care 'install' a portable wound vac that they changed three times a week. This brings up good memories and sad memories. Anyone who has had a wound vac knows how painful and annoying they are. But they are worth it because they cut the healing process in two, and make it so you don't have to change your wound bandages three times a day. It keeps you safe from infection and that is worth a lot.
I was able to get my wound vac off after 5 weeks and it took about three months after that to scar. I have a three inch reminder everyday of what i went through to breast feed. In my opinion it was not worth it. I should have stopped breast feeding when Elliot was vomiting blood from the cracked nipple, that's how i got the infection. I was pressured by many people to not give up, and that formula was the worst thing i could give my baby. I'm never going to let other people decide for me what is best for my emotional and physical health. Elliot needs a healthy mom more than breast milk. I also am more aware of depression. I have secretly judged people who take something for depression. But having gone through postpartum depression, i know how it feels. Luckily, i didn't have to take anti-depressants, because once i stopped breast feeding it slowly went away. I became a new women!
Things are great now, and i just love my little guy. He is nine months old now and brings me so much joy.
I still can't believe all that you went through to BF. It is so sad that there are people out there that judge mommas that don't BF. You obviously found out the hard way that formula is just as good for your baby.
ReplyDeleteElliot is adorable. I am so glad that as horrific as the circumstances....there was a good outcome.
Thanks for sharing your story.